Forgive Me, Everyone...

...however many of you there are. I'm moving. To:

ETERNITY ROAD!

Not that I won't miss you all, but I wanted...a little more company. Including one particular person, about whom I'll say no more.

Come join me there.

With Love,
Fetiche

I Still Don't Like New York Much...

...but I think New York might need me.

This is the center of American fashion design, but from what I've seen over the past three weeks alone, the designers here all hate women and want to make them look ridiculous.

You don't have to accept my verdict. Go pick up a copy of the New York Times tomorrow morning and flip through the "Style Magazine." If you're a woman, tell me whether there are any clothes in there you'd be willing to be seen in. If you're a man -- a man uninterested in sex with prepubescent girls, that is -- tell me if you'd approach any of the women in that magazine, garbed as they are.

These are not clothes; these are costumes. They can only be worn for a particular pose, against a particular backdrop. No one would dare to wear them on the street, unless she were being paid to endure humiliation. Paid quite a lot, at that.

Have the designers forgotten that the point of an expensive outfit is to flatter the woman, not to draw attention to the clothes themselves? Or do they think women are so mesmerized by designers' labels that they'll buy anything, however ridiculous, that bears one?

My specialty is marketing to American women of Oriental descent -- women like me. Women like me would never wear this stuff. We want to look sensuously at ease: smoothly turned out, relaxed, and effortlessly appealing. We do not want to look like harlequins frozen into absurd positions to create an exotic effect. Are non-Oriental women that much different?

The new "Lolita chic" makes it all even worse. Childish faces and childish bodies in garish costumes! It's not just offensive and ridiculous. There may not even be a word for it. It's the next step beyond offensive and ridiculous.

No, the shoes are no more appealing than the clothes.

I'd better get to work on these idiots. I might not be able to sway them much, but I owe it to every woman in America to try.

What's This Fetish With Disproportion?

It baffles me why designers ruin otherwise acceptable shoes with bizarre departures from proportion:

Steve Madden's "Trapu." It's been put on clearance, which I can easily understand. That buckle is far too large and conspicuous, and any designer not obsessed with originality at any cost would know it. Of course, the shoes wouldn't deserve much attention even if the buckle were removed, and Steve Madden hasn't done much of note in a couple of years now. But...

...Christian Louboutin has no excuse. (Especially considering what his shoes cost!) How is a girl supposed to keep those on without resorting to adhesives...or thumbtacks?

Well, maybe we're not expected to understand.

Sorry I've Been Away For So Long...

...but I hate this city.

I've been in New York for a little over a week, and I can't wait to be out of here.

It's not unsafe. It's not threatening. It's not more expensive than L.A....well, not that much more. But it's too dreary for me. There's no color or joy. There's no sense of community. There's nothing to make me want to get up in the morning.

I'm here because I'm being paid a lot for it. But I don't like it, and if things continue as they've begun, I'll be very happy to go home.

L.A. is home. A lot of people back there run it down, but after a week here, I think they're idiots.

Maybe I'll visit with my beloved a lot. At least I'd have the pleasure of irritating his wife. His wife with the $680 new shoes! The last time I was here, she was in Florida, so I didn't have the pleasure.

Maybe I'll play chess. There must be a good chess club in a city this big. But I'd rather play with him. Chess or anything else you can imagine.

Well, there's always the Internet.

OOOOOOHHH!

Look what that fink just bought his wretched wife:

Michael Kors's "Madeline" sandals, in copper and python. $680!

He said they were a birthday gift. Why he had to tell me, I'll never know.

I think I'm not talking to him again.

I've Been A Bad Girl

...and I might just get worse.

Here's part of a conversation I had yesterday with my beloved:

YC: Are you still mad at me?

Fetiche: I never was, silly. I just didn't want to talk politics. And after what you sent me, you can talk politics all day long!

YC: Whew! You have no idea how relieved I am. Do they fit properly?

Fetiche: Perfectly. I'm wearing them now. Where did you find them?

YC: Online. I was worried. I wanted to get you those Givenchy booties you like so much, but they don't come near to making your size.

Fetiche: Don't you fret about it. I love these. Thank you so much!

YC: Dear, do you know why I talk politics so much?

Fetiche: No. It's bothered me for a long time, too.

YC: Because I hate it.

Fetiche: Now I'm really confused.

YC: Politics is seedy and nasty and disgusting and evil and there's absolutely no getting away from it. It's a bit like a predator that's got you cornered, such that your choices are between killing it and being eaten. Good people dislike politics because it's seedy and nasty and so forth. But when good people don't take a hand in it, it's dominated by the worst men in the world. The kind you built a raft to get away from.

Fetiche: I know. I think I always did. But I hoped that things would be different here.

YC: They are, dear. Good people take more of a hand in politics here in America than anywhere else in the world. That's why our politics isn't as noxious as the rest of the world's. But the creeps are getting the upper hand here, too. They've driven a lot of good people out of the process. So I hold my nose and do what I can.

He's a better person than I am. A lot better. And he got me these:

BCBGirls "Lora." The moment Amber saw them, she rushed right out to get a pair for herself. (She can't borrow mine; she's a size 9.) And you remember what I said about getting worse? Well, I just might.

You see, I just landed a contract with a wholesaler on the East Coast for a full year of consulting. I'm moving to New York.

Pray for me.

Everybody's Talking Politics...

...at least, everybody's talking politics around me!

I don't like it much. Politics can be an obsession, from what I've seen around me. And one of the reasons I love America is that you don't have to be involved in it. If you don't want anything from anyone else, you can live a private life and never concern yourself with what thief in office wants to do what to whom.

(They're all thieves, you know. The best of them are just the best at hiding it.)

Let me run my little business and leave me alone. I'll pay a reasonable amount of taxes. I won't trouble anyone else. I have no interest in breaking any law. Well, unless there's some law against acquiring hundreds of pairs of shoes.

When I'm forced to take a position on something political, it's usually a conservative one. I've seen what the liberals call "progressive" government from close up. I ran from it. But even conservative politicians are liars and thieves. All politicians run for office for one reason only: they want power over the rest of us. And to me, that's a despicable thing to want.

Hey, all you guys who think who wins the presidency in November is this really big deal: If your worst nightmare were to win it, would the world keep on turning? If your favored candidate were to win and then get assassinated as he takes the oath of office, would it change anything really important to you - or to anyone else except his family?

Have a sense of proportion. And leave me out of it.

(Yes, I do plan to vote. But that could change. Around here, it's a nuisance, so if I can't see a difference between the Democratic thief and the Republican thief, I might just stay home.)